A gift that grows when paid forward

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“If you ever meet someone brave and powerful enough to walk with you directly through your most uncomfortable wounds and shadow caves—someone with the stupefying courage to see through the chinks of your armour and then help you take it off—love them. Because they have done something for you which is impossible to do alone. They will show you the treasure you’ve been seeking all your life, and they can do this because they aren’t afraid of your fear.”

By Jacob Nordby

Do you have the courage to be that friend for another person?

Frances Macdougal was for me.

And will always be, especially in my heart.

What might you need to have in place in order to more easily pay forward the love that was invested in you by those in your past?

Thank you Frances.

More later.

 

Posted in: Emotional Intelligence, Uncategorized

The Leadership Circle Report: The Reveal!

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The New Standard for Leadership Development

Insight that Accelerates Leader Effectiveness

When it comes to powerful, durable leadership development, training to competencies alone won’t stick over time and ends up with a weak ROI. For more rapid and lasting results, leaders must gain deeper insight into their behavior and what is driving it. How do you help leaders understand the relationship between how they habitually think, behave, and, more importantly, how it impacts their current level of leadership effectiveness?  The most direct way is to get frank, objective feedback (to compare with their own self assessment) with those who see them in action, such as their boss, boss’ boss, peers, direct reports, clients and so on.  The Leadership Circle feedback report even has an option for family and freinds to share what they see as well, because they can help with self awareness in a unique way.

Several areas must be measured to get a whole picture of leadership effectiveness:

  • LEADERSHIP COMPETENCIES:  the very specific behaviours which lead to achieving results in the workplace e.g PDI, Lominger.
  • ASSUMPTIONS: the set of beliefs we each hold about self, others and how teams work which code the “why” a leader behaves in a certain way and ends up focusing on characteristic competencies in certain conditions e.g Emotional Intelligence, Hogan, FIRO-b.
  • STYLE TYPE and PERSONALITIES: and the tools to help understand the differences in our needs and how members communicate, respond, plan, contribute and impact others e.g. MBTI, DISC.

 

Combining these three areas leads to a more complete picture which has captured what’s going on, why it’s going on, and a pathway for positive change.  These leadership foundations can be summarised in two related dimension: Creative Competencies and Reactive Tendencies

Creative Competencies

Creative competencies contribute to a leader’s effectiveness. They measure key leadership behavior and internal assumptions that lead to high fulfillment, high achievement leadership. They are as follows:
Relating
• Caring Connection
• Fosters Team Play
• Collaborator
• Mentoring & Developing
• Interpersonal Intelligence
Self-Awareness
• Selfless Leader
• Balance
• Composure
• Personal Learner
Authenticity
• Integrity
• Courageous Authenticity
Systems Awareness
• Community Concern
• Sustainable Productivity
• Systems Thinker
Achieving
• Strategic Focus
• Purposeful & Visionary
• Achieves Results
• Decisiveness

Reactive Tendencies

Reactive tendencies are self-limiting leadership behaviors. These dimensions reflect inner beliefs and assumptions that limit effectiveness, authentic expression, and empowering leadership. They are as follows:
Complying
• Conservative
• Pleasing
• Belonging
• Passive
Protecting
• Arrogance
• Critical
• Distance
Controlling
• Perfect
• Driven
• Ambition
• Autocratic

The Leadership Circle feedback report takes 25 min and reveals a leader’s operating system–our internal assumptions and beliefs that guide behavior and decisions.  This assessment is the only one which allows executives see directly how their inner world, and  translates that into awareness and more effective leadership within self and for others.

If you would like to learn more about having a 360 assessment, I would be happy to have a conversation about what might be the best fit for what you are looking for.

Posted in: leadership, Uncategorized

Scattered and Distracted?  Your Executive Functions might be impaired.

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Would people that you live or work with, say you struggle with:

a) Organizing tasks, estimating time, prioritizing, and procrastination?

b) Boredom, sustaining focus, and shifting focus to tasks?

c) Regulating alertness and effort, processing speed?

d) Reading social cues, managing frustration, perspective and modulating emotions?

e) Predicting consequences, utilizing working memory and accessing recall?

f) Impulse control and self-regulation?

What can you do about it??

Could it be ADHD?  Here are some tips to try.

TIP 1: Make the decision to BELIEVE you can manage the impulse.

If you do not think you can stop the action, you are right.  It will feel bigger than you.  You have to not only believe in your heart that you can learn to manage it, but you also have to be ready to make the effort.  It is slow work.  These are established patterns and likely unconscious patterns and they won’t change quickly.  However, like turning an ocean liner around, it  CAN be done, and it will be worth it.  Unhelpful patterns may have felt bigger than you in the past (you “couldn’t help it”), but there is nothing more powerful than the made up mind.  Might not be sufficient on its own, but it is a mandatory component for impulse control.

TIP 2: Role play to practice buying yourself time to think

If you feel a reflex surge (to blurt for example), there is a free, no- charge split second put in there JUST FOR YOU, to buy yourself some time.  There is moment in time where you are actually making a choice (to act or not).  Think of it as a deciding muscle, which you can choose to use, or not.

Next time you are bored (waiting for a bus), use the time to recall what it looked like and felt like just before you did a blooper, regretfully acting on an impulse.  Now hit replay and re-live that moment again and again in your head being very clear about choosing your response, with a better outcome.  This rewiring an algorithm is no different than an olympic diver or gymnast practicing a pattern in their head.  I’d say it is more in their heart, because it happens to fast that it is a felt motion rather than a thought motion.  Ideas* for buying time (Barkley):

> Before you answer someone, inhale slowly, exhale slowly, put on a thoughtful expression, and say to yourself, “Well, let me think about that.”

> Put a finger over your mouth for a few seconds, as if you’re considering what you’re going to say.

> Paraphrase or clarify and assumption you might need to make about what your boss or family member said to you: “Oh, so you want to know about…” or “You’re asking me to….” to gather the strength to prevent blurting what you might regret.

> Imagine locking your mouth with a key to prevent yourself from speaking.

> Slow it down. Practice speaking slowly in front of a mirror.  It will feel ridiculous, but it’s a muscular thing, not just a thinking thing.  This will give your frontal lobes a chance to get some traction, to get engaged and see the big picture, instead of being swept along in the vortex of your impulses.

Tip 3  Leverage your learning

Do you beat yourself up for making the same mistakes again and again?

Adults with ADHD have weak nonverbal working memory, which means they either don’t recognize or don’t draw well from past mistakes to choose their response. Many of them hit every problem with a hammer, because they haven’t slowed down long enough to look at whether it really is a nail or not.  You must slow down, and ask, “When have I seen this before?  What happened last time?”

It might be extra hard to defer gratification, because they can’t call up the mental image of the prize that lies ahead. Recognise it takes time to access what you learned in the past when you need it in the future.  Like a diabetic, yes, it’s more work to have a healthy, low stress life, but oh so worth it.  There are so many ways you can capture your lessons.  Yes it’s a pain.

Tip 4: Do you prefer carrots or sticks?

Many ADDers are “time blind”; they forget the purpose of their tasks, so of course they are uninspired to finish them. Out of sight, out of mind.

Ask yourself, “What will I feel like when I get this project done?” It could be pride, self-satisfaction, the happiness you anticipate from completing the project. Whatever the emotion is, work hard to feel it, then and there, as you contemplate your goal.

When you sit down to continue working on the project, try to feel the future outcome and use what I call carrot or stick devices such as posting pictures of the rewards (or consequences).

If no one is dangling a carrot in front of you, you may need some convincing to keep up the effort.  When you recall the purpose of the exercise, invoke the felt sense of having it done.  If you are a Carrot person, you will do it because you are motivated by the positive opportunities that will happen and how great it will feel.

If you are a Stick person you will be more motivated by preventing a screw up or other emotionally costly situation (public shame, fines).  It is important to know what kind of projection you need to be focussing on to get motivated.  Each person is galvanized by slightly different aspects.  Know your values = what you really really care about.

 

Tip 5 Break it down to bite size

ADHD makes the future feel even further away.  Goals which require significant investment of time,  repetition, waiting periods, or in a sequence of steps can prove so elusive that you feel overwhelmed with discomfort.  This is a trigger which causes some ADDers to look for an escape and relief. They might call in sick at work or distract themselves when what they need is discomfort tolerance training.  Figure out which situations are likely to trigger you.  Do you panic with:

– multi-month long projects

– complex projects with too many moving parts?

– working without supervision?

3 QUICK TIPS TO GET MOTIVATED:

Break down long-term tasks or goals into smaller units. If an end-of-the-day deadline seems remote to you, try half-hour chunks of work. Write down what you need to get done in each period, and run a highlighter over each step as you work on it, to keep your attention focused.

Make yourself accountable to another person. Most of us care what others think of us, and social judgment adds fuel to the fire to get things done.  Make yourself accountable to a supportive coworker, supervisor, or mentor.

Acknowledge and lock it in  with “I am a person who completes things” with this solid evidence. Congratulate yourself; take a short break; call or e-mail a friend or a relative to recognize what you’ve gotten done; give yourself a reward you enjoy a lot—just make it small and brief.

Tip 6  Watch your language

If you made a mistake, do not let nasty experiences from your past take up space in your head and take over your inside voice (precious RAM that you need today).  Don’t give free rent and language to self contempt, shame and other brutality to identity and worth.  Get the help you need to strengthen your healthy relationship to your choices; what you think , feel and do.  This takes effort.  But you can imagine how nice i would be, to be at peace with it so you have less noise in your head. If you happen to make a mistake, do the same with yourself as you would with a co-worker or dear friend:

  • You own the mistake.
  • You identify why the mistake happened.
  • You apologize and make no excuse by blaming others.
  • You promise to do better next time (putting in place the reminders or other tools to make sure of it)

Do these six tips and you will keep your calm confidence, self-esteem, your job as well as your friends.

You can do this.

 

*Have a look at Ned Hallowell  http://www.drhallowell.com/  and what Russell Barkley http://www.additudemag.com/authorID/245.html   have to say.

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How hormones make the best leaders

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Good leaders make tough decisions. They manage their anxiety, gain the respect of peers, inspire confidence and loyalty with their empathy, and motivate and engage with their resilience.

Are these desirable traits inborn or socialised?  The answer is both.  In my coaching practice, this is especially important for senior leaders under pressure who want to learn to bring out the best in both themselves and those they lead.  But how?

 

Yes, you can learn to manage your hormones.

By collecting hormone levels from research* participants solving problems as a team, a direct correlation was found between leadership effectiveness and the ratio of testosterone to cortisol (both are steroid hormones in your blood)

Testosterone (normally present in both males and females) is associated with assertiveness, competitive behavior and sensitivity to status, while cortisol, known as “the stress hormone”, kicks in when we feel fearful or threatened (fight or flight). The most aggressive individuals did not make the best leaders. On the contrary, high testosterone was actually a disadvantage when paired with high cortisol.

 

While individuals with the high testosterone/low cortisol profile tended to approach problems through a “challenge” framework, participants with high levels of both hormones were more likely to view stressors as threats, and react with avoidance and submission, for both men and women.

 

Feed forward and make a change

Hormones directly influence our behavior, but our behaviour also can affect our hormone levels.  The hormonal changes we can implement won’t be as fast as a fight or flight response, but we can definitely launch and healthier more effective hormone profile which is especially needed when leading others.

it is possible to manipulate hormonal levels by posing the muscles of the body. The muscles trigger the brain to produce the desired hormones. A Power Pose is when you make your body as large as possible.  What athletes do when they win:  both arms high up in the air, chest out, head tilted back, and mouth open.  This position is assumed even by blind athletes when they win even if they have never seen anyone assume this pose.  Baboons assume this position when they triumph or wish to frighten an enemy.

 

Maintaining this position for two minutes can increase testosterone production and reduce cortisol levels. Feeling more calm and assertive can be invoked  by your body positioning.

 

The researchers also specifically measured the effect of two minutes keeping arms tight by one’s side and legs clamped together.  It reduced production of testosterone and increased production of cortisol.  In other words, you can trigger agitation and lack of assertiveness through the way you position your body.  Think of cultures who force those being dominated into this position.  It works.  Yikes.  Please share this post to help empower those who need your support.

 

What you can do about it

Exercise: decrease your cortisol levels and reduce stress.

Sleep: Getting too little sleep can lead to increased cortisol in the afternoon.

Be mindful: How we assign meaning to an event directly influences hormone levels. When you’re anticipating a competition or a status challenge, testosterone levels go up. Reacting to the situation as a threat will cause cortisol levels to rise. Through coaching and mindfulness practices, we can train ourselves to stay calm confident and reframe stressful situations.

Be available to connect:  Leadership is about relationships.  A hormone that increases our attention to social information is oxytocin, which is released through intimacy and bonding. Increased oxytocin levels may help with increasing affiliation and team bonding in the workplace — but only when people see themselves as being on the same team.

Use what you know for the good of all:  We know a good leader when we see one.  We feel it in our gut.  Now that you know this, do you have a choice but to use it to contribute your best in making this world a better place?

 

In summary…

Decision makers who want to identify natural leaders look for individuals who stay cool under pressure, negotiate well and  view problems as a challenge which can be resolved rather than a threat to avoid.  The leaders who had high testosterone and low cortisol persisted in the face of failure and were best able to adapt in high-pressure situations.

 

How can you use neuroscience to be the best coach and leader that you can be?

Where in leadership situations do you think this could be best applied?

 

I look forward to reading your comments.

 

*Dana Carney, Amy Cuddy, and Andy Yap.  “Power posting brief nonverbal displays affect neuroendocrine levels and risk tolerance.” PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE,21,10, 2010, pp. 1363-1368.

 

McDermott, Rose, “Testosterone, Cortisol, and Aggression in a Simulated Crisis Game” (2006). Hendricks Symposium–Department of Political Science. Paper 5.  http://digitalcommons.unl.edu/politicalsciencehendricks/5

 

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The challenge of embedding coaching skills in the workplace

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Essential Elements of a

Successful Organisational Coaching Skills Program

 

Summary of an article by Grant and Hartley1 on practical strategies organisations can use to more effectively embed and sustain leadership coaching skills in the workplace following participation by executives and managers in a coaching skills development program.  This scorecard can assist in a go/no go decision on organisational readiness to implement a coaching skill program into the organisational culture and to prioritise factors that contribute to successful leadership development.

 

In Brief

 

Global HR leaders are increasingly delivering coaching skills programs in their professional development to facilitate the adoption of coaching competencies.  Research shows that coaching can increase goal attainment, solution-focused thinking, develop greater change readiness and leadership resilience (Grant 2009).  The authors worked with the fifth largest bank in the world (over 52,000 employees), where 3000 leaders completed the ‘Leader as Coach’ program.  The authors found eight key factors which increase the likelihood of successfully embedding coaching skills in the workplace.

 

The Need

 

Research has shown that while coaching skills are one of the more powerful leadership competencies, this vital skill comes naturally only to a few (Goleman, 2000).  Worker resilience must be strengthened to protect from burnout and to better handle relentless change and economic pressure to do ever more with less.  Gen Y and Z are demanding a new style of leadership and if their present organisation/manager won’t coach them, they will find somebody else who will.

 

With increasing demands being placed on workers, organisational leaders must become more competent at engaging, inspiring and listening to their talent than ever before.  A tool is needed to assist the HR decision maker to assess both if a coaching skills program has the required elements to realize a substantive shift in coaching competencies and to asses gaps in present organisational receptivity that can be redressed to assure the investment delivers on the expected changes in organisational culture.

 

All too often, organisations invest effort and money into developing the coaching skills of their leaders and managers only to find that, despite initial high levels of enthusiasm, they fail to adapt the taught coaching skills to their workplace.

 

 

How do we transfer skills mastered in the classroom into the workplace?

 

Such transfers are difficult enough with technical skills.  It’s even more challenging with highly personal thinking habits such as knowing when to challenge the coachee instead of telling the answer, how to re-create trust, or how to expose unspoken concerns or hopes for example.  Coaching skills are not superficial techniques which can be wedged into any conversation.  Students require time to integrate the skills seamlessly into their own style with repeated, live practice and patience from the organisational perspective.

 

The tips below are insights gained following completion of the Leader as Coach Program by over 3000 professionals in the Commonwealth Bank of Australia (CBA).  The authors propose that organisational coaching skills programs will more effectively embed the competencies when as many as possible of the following eight factors are implemented.

 

1.         Proven, evidence-based design

‘Once-and-Done’ style single workshops, minimal hours of practice or where the teacher spends more time talking than the student spends practicing do not support integration of coaching behaviours as well as do longer-term mentoring, feedback and integration of the desired habits (Grant 2012).  The authors found the most success with programs which:

a) Are theoretically grounded and extremely practical

b) Use varied settings to diversify practice conditions

c) Provide cohesive group support ad follow up

d) Supply supervision as skills are progressively embedded

2.         Program content includes live skills, performance and developmental coaching

Formal coaching sessions with explicit goals and a clear beginning and end are rare compared to the more likely in-the-moment coaching opportunities seized in the midst of a busy project.  The program must also address the important distinctions between Skills Coaching (task), Performance Coaching (strategic approach to the work itself, over time), and Developmental Coaching (personal growth such as emotional/social competencies and effective relationships)

3.         Ensure that the program is internally culturally relevant

For a coaching program to be integrated, the authors found it should align explicitly with the specific values/language and unique situations and challenges faced in the client organisation.

4.         Use respected figures internal to the organisation as champions

The role modelling of desired behaviours by leaders is one of the most powerful influencers.  Enthusiastic and consistent messaging about the importance of the program from respected figures (such as the CEO) send a clear signal that the organisation is serious about developing a positive, supportive culture. The value of such overt high-level support cannot be understated.

5.         Use attraction rather than coercion

It is easy these days for people to justify not allocating the time needed for developmental activities. While the temptation is to mandate participation, the authors found that fostering attraction, rather than compelling attendance is a more successful strategy. Develop enthusiastic, influential early adopters in the initial stages and train them to carry their message and experiences to the workforce.

6.         Monitor and evaluate: the Personal Case Study approach

The Personal Case Study approach (Grant, 2013) has the participants write about a leadership issue they are facing, rate how close they are to their goal of solving it and their and level of confidence in dealing with the issue.  Participants re-rate themselves at the end providing data which will answer “Is the program actually working?”.  The authors found a 40% increase in goal progression and a 70% increase in confidence in being able to deal with the issue.

7.         Mobilise a competent HR team

Program success and longevity depend on the HR team’s professionalism and ability to champion this work. HR’s ability to manage the logistics of a complex program while keeping senior managers enthused are key factors in determining the successful implementation of a coaching program (Long, Ismail, & Amin, 2012).This is not an easy task and some organisations may not have the required HR capacity.

So how does one choose and implement a coaching skills program?

 

Like training for a marathon, strengthening coaching skills can’t be done in one workshop no matter how brilliantly it is designed.  While powerful when done right, accept that coaching skill acquisition will be a slow process (months, not a day or two) and that the outcomes must be followed up and measured.  Otherwise, to be blunt, it is a just another binder on the shelf and a waste of money.

 

Not all coaching programs can deliver (measured) results, and not all organisations are ready to embrace a leadership culture with a coach approach.  The processes listed in this scorecard normalise and deepen effective leadership competencies (coaching specifically), and strengthen connection, engagement and loyalty to the workplace.

 

 

SCORECARD:  ORGANISATIONAL READINESS FOR A COACHING SKILLS PROGRAM

 

If your organisation is considering a coaching skills program, here are some key factors that will each contribute to increasing the strength, penetration and durability of your program impact.  Each will assist to more effectively transfer the coaching skills from the classroom into workplace leadership activities and habits which drive a healthier, more cohesive and productive organisational culture.

 

Weak, or not executed = 1                               

  As strong as it can be  = 10

1 Proven, evidence-based coaching program design?Strengths/weaknesses?
2 Content includes skills, performance, and developmental coaching? Strengths/weaknesses?
3 Ensure the program is internally culturally relevant?Strengths/weaknesses?
4 Uses respected figures internal to the organisation as champions? Strengths/weaknesses?
5 Uses attraction rather than coercion? Strengths/weaknesses?
6 Monitors and evaluates: the Personal Case Study approach? Strengths/weaknesses?
7 Mobilises a competent HR team? Strengths/weaknesses?
8 Robust follow up processes? Strengths/weaknesses?

 

 

References

 

Goleman, D. (2000). Leadership that gets results. Harvard Business Review, March-April, 70 90.

 

Grant, A. M., Curtayne, L., & Burton, G. (2009). Executive coaching enhances goal attainment, resilience and workplace well-being: A randomised controlled study. Journal of Positive Psychology, 4, 396407. doi:10.1080/17439760902992456

 

Grant, A. M. (2012). Australian coaches’ views on coaching supervision: A study with implications for Australian coach education, training and practice. International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, 10(2), 1733. Retrieved from http://businessbrookes.ac.uk/commercial/work/iccld/ijebcm/documents/vol10issue2-paper-02.pdf

 

Grant, A. M. (2013). Can research really inform coaching practice? Paper presented at the International Coach Federation conference, March 2013, Sydney, Australia.

 

Long, C. S., Ismail, W. K. W., & Amin, S. M. (2012). The role of change agent as mediator in the relationship between HR competencies and organizational performance. The International Journal of Human Resource Management, 24, 2019_2033. doi:10.1080/09585192.2012.725080

 

 

Sue @wisdomcollective.ca : Inspiring excellence, purpose and learning through your courageous, resilient leadership. Providing individual and group leadership coaching leveraging neuroscience research, powerful accountability to your own objectives and the support of a team to more easily and efficiently attain your goals than on your own.

Posted in: leadership, Uncategorized

Resilience Pulse Check

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Do you know how resilient you are?  We each develop our unique version of resilience from a blend of experiences and temperament. Try filling this out first from your own perspective, then from that of those who have seen you under stress and in uncontrolled circumstances.  They hold very potent information that help us learn and grow forward.  Maybe consider having those who know you fill this out for you!  But don’t stop there.  Decide on one area you would like to focus on, and find a learning partner who will be your guide on the side as you strengthen the courage and resilience that is in you.

 

Please tick the appropriate box.
 1= rarely true      5 = usually true 		 1 2 3 4 5
  1.   In   a crisis or chaotic situation, I calm myself and focus on taking useful   actions.
  1.   I’m   usually optimistic. I see difficulties as temporary and expect to overcome   them.
  1.   I   can tolerate high levels of ambiguity and uncertainty about situations.
  1.   I   adapt quickly to new developments. I’m good at bouncing back from   difficulties.
  1.   I’m   playful. I find the humor in rough situations, and can laugh at myself.
  1.   I’m   able to recover emotionally from losses and setbacks.
  1.   I   am socially connected and have friends I can talk with.
  1.   I   can express my feelings to others and ask for help.
  1.   I   experience feelings of anger, loss and discouragement but they don’t last too   long.
  1. I feel self-confident, appreciate   myself and have a healthy concept of who I am.
  1. I ask questions and I like to try   new ways of doing things.
  1. I learn valuable lessons from my   experiences and from the experiences of others.
  1. I can use analytical logic, be   creative, or use practical common sense.
  1. I’m very flexible. I feel   comfortable with my paradoxical complexity.
  1. I “read” people well and   trust my intuition.
  1. I’m a good listener. I have good   empathy skills.
  1. I’m non-judgmental about others and   adapt to people’s different personality styles.
  1. I’m very durable. I hold up well   during tough times.
  1. I’ve been made stronger and better   by difficult experiences.

Adapted from and reprinted with permission. © Copyright 2005 Practical Psychology Press, adapted from Chapter 2 in The Resiliency Advantage (Berrett-Koehler) by Al Siebert, Ph.D., founder of ResiliencyCenter.com. All rights reserved.

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thank you for donating

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Dear Friends

Your generous donation to Covenant House played an important role in raising $337,443 for our executive sleepout on the hard concrete of that east side back lane on Nov 21 2013.  It will fund the wrap around programs for 24 hours of love and support for 54 homeless youth.  It was freezing and we didn’t sleep much with beeping backup trucks and lights etc.  Can’t imagine how they think straight with back-to-back bad nights like that, and we had it easy.  We don’t get to choose our formative early childhood experiences.  If you or I experienced the neglect and abuse that they have, our lives would look different today.

http://www.covenanthousebc.org/blog/2013/11/second-sleep-out-success

 

Thank you for your heartening donation and for encouraging me to keep supporting programs that help kids to recover, make changes and step into being their best.

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